And the Beat Goes On...

And the Beat Goes On...

Paid a visit to my cardiologist today. In heart failure when I started seeing him four years ago, I'm doing a whole lot better today. My condition remains serious -- that's why I have a pacemaker/defibrillator implanted in my chest -- but I consider myself fortunate to be in the position I am.

My checkup went so well that we were able to shift the focus to the doctor and his wizardry (or lack thereof) with the new computer equipment in the office. It's a good thing he has a better understanding of how the heart works, because I certainly wouldn't ask him to show me how to navigate the internet!

Thanks, doctor, for making everything possible in my life...

Miss Me...Or Pretend You Do To Make Me Feel Good

It's time for a little pre-birthday party and post-congratulatory celebration. With the recent resigning of one of my biggest work contracts with the government, a proper celebration is called for, and one that is nearly 2 weeks overdue. If they want to give me a ridiculous amount of money for just a few months work, who am I to argue that they may be overpaying me? Instead I will drink to it! Yes, I'm worth every single penny, or at least I am going to keep letting them believe that. I'm feeling more confidant this time around. It was just a year ago that I was wringing my hands worrying that I wasn't living up to their expectations. That the pressure I was under had me on the verge of cracking. Now, I look back and wonder why I was so unsure of myself. Sometimes I think I invent insecurities in my head, when there is no reason for one to exist, I imagine one and bring it to life. Perhaps I'm not alone in that. Maybe that is how everyone's insecurities are born?

In case you were wondering, that isn't my baby picture.
I was waaay cuter! I know, hard to image, but true.
My Mom will confirm that as fact.
Basically, when your Mom said YOU were the cutest baby ever...
she was lying. Just thought you should know.

And in just a few days I will be turning another year older. I guess it's not too bad, if I was hitting my 30s, then that would be bad. Isn't there some law that states once you hit the big 3-0 that you have to act all grown-up and shit? However, I don't have to worry about that. I can keep using phrases like "I know you are but what am I." I'm still enjoying the 20something life and will continue to do so.

One thing that I won't continue doing is blogging. Well at least for a week. I'm going to be traveling out of state and away from cyberspace as well. So that means no new posts until November. I just wanted to let my one loyal reader be aware of that. I think SiteMeter pads my stats to make me feel good. It says I get 70-80 visitors a day, although I feel more like I have an audience of one - me, myself and I. Oops, there I go again...inventing an insecurity. Note to self, stop doing that. Also stop biting your lower lip when you are deep in concentration. It's beginning to hurt and one day when you are old and 30, your face will freeze like that!

"C" Is For Chat Room, Crazy & Oh Crap (because Oh Shit doesn't start with C)

On the web, nobody can hear you scream, but they will surely hear you if you arrive at their house with pickaxe handle! After a heated exchange in a chat room, one internet user has been found guilty of what London police are calling the first ever "web-rage" attack. 47-year-old Paul Gibbons hunted down John Jones (age unknown) using details obtained online after the pair exchanged insults and threats in a Yahoo chat room called "Islam 10". Their exchanges soured after Gibbons accused Jones of spreading rumors about him. It was then that Gibbons snapped and traveled 70 miles to the man's home where the plan was to beat him up with a pickaxe handle.

Gibbons arrived at Jones' home armed and accompanied by another man carrying a machete! Mr. Jones, whose partner and 3 children were in the house, opened the door holding a knife for protection. A fight broke out during which Jones was disarmed and beaten with the pickaxe handle and cut with the knife. Gibbons fled after the victim's partner called for help. Gibbons, who has a violent past, admitted to unlawful wounding and will be sentenced on November 7th.

Where are the sane people in this world? Seriously.

Related Post of Interest

• 01/16/06 Be Annoying Online And You'll Be Arrested Offline

Coming Down the Homestretch

Coming Down the Homestretch

I completed the next to the last chapter of my book late last night. It covers the period from about ages 5 to 10. Events described include standing up to a school bully, serving as a local poster child for the Muscular Dystrophy Association (MDA), and going to MDA overnight camp for the first time. I could tell you more, but then you wouldn't read the book!

As for the final chapter, I have a few ideas knocking around my head, so hopefully it will happen quickly. But after making and breaking several deadlines, I'm making no bold predictions this time.

Stay tuned...

I'm No Modern Day Shakespeare

I'm not a poet. I don't pretend to be. I don't even try to be. I just say what I'm thinking. Today, I said this. It doesn't rhyme, but it has reason.

"...and never say never, today is a good day to begin "never" and it just may end with happily ever after."

You just never know.

Fire and Rain (A Lot of Rain)

Fire and Rain (A Lot of Rain)

I saw James Taylor perform last night at the Tower Theater in Upper Darby. My father introduced me to Taylor's music at a young age, and I've been a fan ever since. In 2005, I often listened to his soothing music while recovering from pacemaker surgery, a very emotional time for me.

But with the monsoon-like weather outside, it could not have been a worse night to venture out. When my parents and I arrived, I desperately needed to have my trach suctioned. However, we first had to figure out how to assemble my new suction machine. (If you're wondering why I didn't think of that beforehand, don't worry; I've already heard that one!) Then, I nearly got killed by a car as I crossed 69th Street!

Fortunately, James Taylor didn't disappoint, performing favorites like the aforementioned "Fire and Rain", "Carolina In My Mind ", and "Sweet Baby James". So while it was a bit of an adventure getting there, the concert was well worth the effort.

The Real Beauty Campaign

They tell women not to read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Feeling beautiful has nothing to do with how you look externally. It has everything to do with how you feel internally. Unfortunately, we let the outside determine how we feel on the inside. It may not be right, but it's normal. And I don't just mean that we let our appearance affect how we feel about ourselves. I mean that we often let society determine how we feel about ourselves. Society tells us what is considered beautiful and what is not. Perhaps we should blame the fashion magazines with their airbrushed supermodels. To them, beauty is what is displayed on the cover of Vogue. They don't buy into the phrase "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" or that "beauty is only skin deep and that real, true beauty lies underneath the skin". Although they do buy into the mindset that even the smallest flaw can be perfected with a little magic. So don't always believe what you see in the mirror - that you aren't that beautiful. And don't always believe what you see in the pages of Vogue magazine - that they are that perfect. Here's proof...

Too many girls develop low self-esteem from hang-ups about looks, and consequently, fail to reach their full potential in later life. So, Dove created the "Self-Esteem Fund" as an agent of change to educate and inspire girls on a wider definition of beauty. On their website, they encourage you to share your self-esteem building story to inspire others with your success. The direction of the Fund is guided by a group of people who are passionate about raising women's body-related self-esteem by offering kind and insightful support. The Fund currently supports self-esteem related programs in countries around the globe.

Personally, I think it's a good thing. I meet countless women who do not see themselves the way they should. Some are really pretty, but yet they fail to see what I see. I think the world of modeling is partially to blame for this. Believe it or not, even some supermodels aren't exempt from having a poor body image. Take a girl off the street and girl out of a modeling agency and you would be surprised how similar they are in terms of what they dislike about their body. When you look at a behind the scenes model shoot like this, it's no wonder our perception of beauty is distorted. Part of the key to feeling beautiful is having a positive attitude. I think there is something to be said about that. I believe that is what Dove is trying to achieve with their "Self-Esteem Fun". A negative vibe radiates off a person, making them "ugly". Whereas a positive outlook, it has a special glow to it - warmth, friendliness, fun. Who wouldn't want to be around a beautiful woman like that? Remember, confidence is S-E-X-Y!

Side Note: To the "I need to lose 2 lbs first" girl...you are not as fat as you imagine. A size 4 isn't even fat in the world of professional modeling.

Dum Dum

She speaks of thoracotomy, endotracheal tubes, EKGs and stories of resuscitation. Medical jargon. They are common words in her world. In mine, it's like a foreign language. If it wasn't for Grey's Anatomy and Hollywood scripted movies, I would be lost when our worlds collide, when she tells me about her day. I consider myself a fairly intelligent guy, but sometimes I feel like a dum dum in her presence. I'm listening when she talks. I am interested and trying to learn, but I can't help it if from time to time my eyes glaze over. My head gets a little clouded and I feel like saying "whoa, dude". Of course I don't say that, but that's how I opt to articulate myself when I feel like a big dummy.

She's not showoffy (I just invented that word). She doesn't throw these terms at me trying to impress me with her brains or to test my brain. She's simply sharing her world with me and that's a good thing. I just wish sometimes that her world didn't make my head spin. I get lost among the rubber gloves and needles. It all becomes a blur. Still, I follow along. I ask questions. I nod. I smile politely. She has to know this is going over my head. She's no dummy. She surely sees that. It's then that she changes the subject..."Hey, you didn't tell me. How did your (long pause) thing go on Friday?" Hmm, it seems she gets a little lost in my world too. When she's out of her element, she replaces the unfamiliar jargon with the word "thing". Tech jargon isn't her thing.

It's become apparent. We speak 2 different languages. It's a lesson in linguistics. It's also a lesson in simple communication as she tells me she brought me a little surprise. Like a child, I am eager to see what awaits me in the pocket of her scrubs. It's a lollipop. "I remembered you had a sore throat and I wanted to cure you. I stole it from the hospital, but I figure they owe me after pulling a double shift." She's sweet...and a candy criminal. It's cherry - my favorite! It's also the exact same kind I use to get from my doctor when I was a kid. She knows me well. I glance at the wrapper. The brand, "Dum Dum Pops". Fitting.

Like a Fish out of Water

Like a Fish out of Water

With the headset for my environmental control unit (ECU) in the shop for repairs the past two days, I have felt helpless. The voice-activated ECU -- which makes it possible for me to answer and dial the telephone, control my stereo, TV, VCR and DVD player, operate my hospital-style bed, and even page my nurses when they are not in the same room with me -- has become a vital part of my life.

While it is true that I have a nurse with me all day who could certainly help me answer the telephone, for example, there is nothing like being able to do things for myself. Before purchasing the ECU, I never realized how great that felt. But after owning the system for more than a year, I had come to take it for granted.

Having lost much of my independence as my disease has progressed over the years, it's important for me to maintain as much of it as possible. That's what makes the ECU so wonderful.

I should have the repaired headset back by Saturday (overnight shipping is a godsend) and then all will be well. That is, until the first time I tell the system to change the channel on the TV and it answers the phone instead. Then, things could get nasty!