Elton John Demands The Internet Be Shut Down…Rrright

Pop legend star Sir Elton John wants the Internet closed down! And we should listen to him because…? Because he’s yet one more celebrity who is out of touch with reality and the real world and enjoys spewing his opinion on others like it is the word of God? Because he is a musical genius, we should overlook his ignorance and utter stupidity when it comes to asinine comments he makes towards technology and worship him like the almighty one he is? That we should just blindly follow his demands, because after all, he did write “Candle In The Wind” and that alone makes him an expert on blogging? Yeah, that’s right. If you are a blogger, Elton John is more or less spitting on you.

Never one to keep his opinions to himself, the Rocket Man has waded into cyberspace with all guns blazing. He claims that there is too much technology available, that the Internet hampers communication, it’s destroying good music and it’s responsible for stifled creativity.

“The internet has stopped people from going out and being with each other, creating stuff. Instead they sit at home and make their own records, which is sometimes OK but it doesn’t bode well for long-term artistic vision. It’s just a means to an end. We’re talking about things that are going to change the world and change the way people listen to music and that’s not going to happen with people blogging on the internet. I mean, get out there - communicate. Hopefully the next movement in music will tear down the internet. Let’s get out in the streets and march and protest instead of sitting at home and blogging. I do think it would be an incredible experiment to shut down the whole internet for five years and see what sort of art is produced over that span. There’s too much technology available. I’m sure, as far as music goes, it would be much more interesting than it is today.” – Elton John

Wow. There are so many things wrong with what he said that I don’t know where to even start! Perhaps he is so bitter because his last album pulled in lack luster sales numbers, but whatever the case may be, it's clear his silk panties are in a bind. I’ll try to keep my rebuttal short and just say this…

If we could give the Internet credit for just one thing, it would be the fact that it has brought people together, NOT separated them. Never before has there been a medium that could bridge the gap between all races, ages and economic differences. Black, white, gay, straight, rich, poor, young, old. It makes no difference online. Even a big corporation and a small Mom & Pop business are seen as “equals” when it comes to the Internet. That’s that beauty of it.

The Internet has been the main tool used to bring children in poverty stricken countries around the world not only a better education, but a better chance at life. Sure there is no substitute for physical touch and face-to-face communication, but implying that the Internet hampers communication is just absurd! Without the Internet, many musicians and artists would cease to exist. The Internet gives them a venue in which to get their name out there, to showcase their talented work. Take the Internet away and you’ve just taken away their creativity. Are you following me? I won’t even go into the whole Napster/MP3 debate, nor will I touch upon the billions and billions of dollars made from the Internet and the countless jobs created because the Internet exists. And you want to do away with that? You have to be kidding. Our economy thrives off the Internet and you don’t need to be a Wall Street tycoon to know that.

The multi-millionaire Elton, who turned 60 earlier this year, has admitted in the past that he is a bit behind the times. No, really? He also admits to being the biggest technophobe of all time. He doesn't own a cell phone, an iPod or anything. If you ask me, this is even more reason why he should shut his mouth. He has zero knowledge about anything tech related. So how can he can demand, or even suggest, the Internet be shut down when chances are he has never even turned on a computer in his life!

To be blunt, he’s a hippie who never made it out of the drug induced 60s era. Hate to inform you, but it is 2007 now and times have changed, immensely! Just turn on the news and you will see how the flower child days of holding protest signs are over. If you want to “fight the man” these days, then you will see more support for your cause if you get the word out online – bigger audience. So here’s some free advice for you, dude. Why don’t you stick to talking about what you know best, writing music. It’s now perfectly obvious to the world that you lack the intelligence to speak about anything other than that. Stick to the past and you will stay in the past. The future is here, has been here and will continue to move forward while you are being left behind. Either get with it or say bye-bye. Go run along now and put on your Mama’s pearls and pumps and tickle the ivory like a good little boy. Leave the tech talk to those of us who actually know what the f*ck we are talking about.

A Title I’ll Never Hold – Spelling Bee Champ

It’s no secret that I can’t spell. In fact, I’ll be the first to tell you that I spell like a 2-year-old. Yes, it’s that bad, but most of you are probably unaware of this thanks to spell check. It has my back. It covers my butt. I think the poor spelling gene may be hereditary. My father can’t spell either. In fact, he probably spells worse than me! I know that’s shocking and hard to believe, but true. (“Ruff” is the sound a dog makes and “rough” is a texture, Dad.) Now don’t get me wrong. My Dad isn’t an idiot. He just can’t spell, like me. Like father like son. Lucky for him though, he married a Spelling Bee Champ, my Mom.

Thanks Kira for pointing out this t-shirt to me.

My Mom is like a walking dictionary, thesaurus, encyclopedia and medical book all wrapped into one. Sometimes I think she worked for Webster’s or Britannica in a previous life. But how do you explain her vast medical knowledge? She never attended medical school, so where did that come from? Maybe after she put me and my sisters on the school bus in the morning, she raced back into the house to perform a crude home lobotomy on the family cat? I don’t know, but she was born with the M.D. gene.

The first time I introduced my “kinda sorta not really girlfriend” to my Mom, it was like they went into their own secret language – medical jargon. Somehow my Mom was on common ground with a girl who actually assists in lobotomies during her work week (well, not real lobotomies because I believe those are outlawed now, but she does get paid to cut people open). Of course I was asking if they could “dumb it down” for me so I wouldn’t feel like such an outsider in the conversation. Truth be told, I’m not a dummy. If I was, I would have never been accepted into Carnegie Mellon. Although there are days when I feel like a dum dum. Days when I don’t even understand what she’s talking about, let alone spell it.

No worries. Some girls find this flaw of mine cute, even adorable. The key is to find a girl that sees my poor spelling as such.

Related post of interest…

• 10/16/06 Dum Dum

Back And Into The Future, The DeLorean Returns For 2008

Knock knock McFly, anyone home? Haven’t you heard the news? The famous gull-wing doors and stainless steel brushed body sports car is back! Grab your skateboard and tune-up the flux capacitor because we are traveling back to the future. The DeLorean will re-enter limited production in 2008. Original production took place from 1981 to 1983 in Northern Ireland. With its short supply and high demand, the DeLorean quickly won the hearts of people across the world. Of course staring in one of the biggest movies of all time certainly helped its popularity.

Everyone remembers the silver bullet that traveled at the speed of light (or so Hollywood would have us believe). The car was so fast that paint couldn’t even stick to it! Ok, not really, but back in the day it held its own in the streets. These days, a 75hp car that does 0-60 in 10.5 seconds is certainly nothing to brag about. I think even a Hyundai could pump out better numbers. Although, if nostalgia is your weakness, then being able to purchase a brand new DeLorean straight from a shiny showroom floor may satisfy the kid in you.

Like many kids who grew up in the 80s, the DeLorean was my dream car. However, that childhood dream faded away over the years as my infatuation with the DeLorean was replaced with more powerful and sexier machines. With a price tag being estimated at well over $40,000 and performance specifications identical to those of more than a quarter of a century ago, not many people will be willing to shell out the dough for such a “weak” ride. Yes, I said it. The DeLorean is a weak ride by today’s sports car standards. Hell, it's weak compared to any car, sports car or not. It’s actually laughable, but still cool looking. And for that reason, the cool factor, the DeLorean will not only rise from the dead but it will live on! It has a special place in the hearts of technology lovers, making its comeback too exciting to ignore.

Keep in mind, this will be the same DeLorean from yesteryear. So more than likely the 2008 DeLorean will have the same cutting edge technology showcased in 1983 DeLorean. That means it will have a booming cassette tape stereo! Ooo, ahhh. Time break out your older sister's mix tapes from junior high!

Forgive Me For Shaming You

I once read that the cruelest thing you can do to a child is publicly humiliate them. Public humiliation is a form of emotional abuse. It’s a callous act. One that lacks compassion, caring and kindness. All qualities I’ve always felt I possessed. I’m a sucker for the kid that gets picked last in gym class. I’m sucker for the chubby girl sitting alone in a corner that nobody asks to dance. And I’m a sucker for the runt of the litter. The puppy that the breeder said would be disqualified from a show ring due to his back not sloping enough. The puppy that shook when I picked him up because he had yet to form a trusting bond with people. That’s the one I want. There was no “eanie, meanie, minie, moe”. It was simpler than that. I choose you.

People point when they pick someone. They also point when they pick on someone. So it’s rather ironic that finger pointing once again comes into play when we point blame. When we ridiculous and shame.

I have a tendency to humanize him, but what I did the other day was nothing short of inhumane. I know some people would say he’s just a dog. Although to me he is more than that, he’s like my child. The child I don’t have, don’t want to have and don’t plan on having for quite a few more years. He’s my child substitute and the perfect substitute he is. I couldn’t ask for more, yet I demanded more. I demanded something he isn’t able to give – to hold his pee the whole night long. I know, I know. At this point you are giggling at me. Up until now, you thought this was a serious post. And it is, to a point. I do in fact feel badly for posting that photo of my sad puppy the other day, the one with the caption that read “I’m A Bed Wetter”. I feel bad because…well, because I feel like I publicly humiliated him/my child. I made a mockery of his little problem. I made a giggle out of him.

In hind sight when I snapped the photo and came up with the phrase, I thought it was funny. But once I posted it, I immediately felt sorry for him and sorry for what I had done. I debated on taking the photo down. I felt I was being mean. However, I told myself I was being silly. The dog can’t read. He doesn’t know what even occurred. Dogs live in the now. It is people that often live in the past. So it’s the past that I must get over and to do that, I am publicly apologizing for my past mistake. I’m sorry for shaming you and shame on me for doing so.

You’re my little buddy. My boy. And despite the fact I was a good Daddy the night you wet your bed, I was a bad Daddy the next day when I made light of your accident. And that’s all it was, an accident. You had an accident and I made a mistake by posting that photo. I've admitted my wrong doing and freed myself of the guilt. Now lick my face to tell me I’m forgiven. So we can move forward hand in hand...er, hand in paw?

The Racist Wendy's Girl Logo Has Gotta Go!

A group of approximately 50 angry Gingers united and are seeing red! They came out in droves today to form a protest rally infront of a Wendy’s fast food joint in Manhattan. Their beef? They say they are offended by the Wendy’s logo. (Wait, hold your giggle and your “what the f*ck are you kidding me” comment.) They claim the logo is racist as it portrays redheads inaccurately, unfairly and the Wendy's girl has gotta go! The protesters belong to the NAARP - National Association for the Advancement of Redheaded People. To my knowledge, this is the first time the public is hearing their voices. With chants like “Biggie Size Bigotry”, their voices will certainly be heard and their message is clear with protest signs like these…

I have to admit, the NAARP has a good argument and reason for such beef. After all, how many redheads do you know that wear their hair in pigtails? Probably none, well I can think of only one. And not all redheads have pasty chalk white skin with dime size freckles on their face as the little Wendy’s girl logo would have us believe. So you see, there is reason to complain. No one likes being stereotyped. Blondes don’t like being called dumb anymore than redheads like being called fire crotches. Whether the carpet matches the drapes isn’t really anyone’s business. It doesn’t matter if you were born a redhead or you are a bottle redhead, you are still a Ginger kid in the eyes of the NAARP.

Famous redheads absent from the rally...Pippi Longstocking (a proud pigtail wearer), Carrot Top, Chuck Norris and Lindsay Lohan just to name a few. Apparently they didn’t get the memo.

Now I'm not sure how long the rally went on, but for those of you concerned, the redheaded protesters did spread on the SPF 50 to protect their fair skin from the mid-summer sun. (Remember Ginger kids, safety first.) Redheads make up just 1% of the world’s population and with the racial diversity in NYC, it’s probably an even smaller percentage. Despite their small numbers, it’s good to see them ban together for a common cause. And only in New York City could you see something like a Wendy’s racist logo protest while walking down the street. Just another reason to heart NY. Nobody will ever say the city is boring or uninteresting.

Want more? Then go behind the scenes of the Wendy’s racist logo protest with the NAARP mission report, photos and video footage on the Improv Everywhere blog.

Geek Booty

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Saturday Stroll

Saturday Stroll

It was one of those rare summer days in Philadelphia when it isn't oppressively hot and humid, so I took full advantage of the beautiful weather and went for a walk (roll) on the trail along Kelly Drive, one of my favorite places in Philly.

What's great about the drive is that you feel removed from the city, while the Center City skyline reminds you that you're still there. Note the nearly-completed Comcast Center, which will be the tallest building in in the city. I also enjoy the other "scenery" if you catch my drift! Hey, a guy can dream, right?

I try to get out on the Kelly Drive trail, as well as the nearby Schuylkill River Trail as often as I can during the warm weather months, provided I have a nurse who is willing to walk with me. I do have to be careful when out in the sun. Some of my medications make me more susceptible to the effects of the sun, so I try to keep as much of my body covered as possible and wear sunscreen. At the same time, I must stay hydrated in order avoid potential heart complications.

But as long as I'm careful, I enjoy the opportunity to get some fresh air, a little sun, and did I mention that other "scenery?"