I’m passionate about writing, but there are some words that I hate with a passion! Just seeing them on paper or hearing them drop from someone’s mouth ignites a hatred deep within me. I attempt to smoother my irritation by clinching my fist and ultimately snapping the #2 pencil between my fingers. It sounds ridiculous and I can’t explain it, but there are a few select words I utterly despise. They crawl under my skin and gnaw on my last nerve, like an infectious parasite feverishly sucking the life supply of blood from every square inch of my body. I want to rid my eyes from ever seeing these words again. And I want to rid my ears from ever hearing them. In short, I would like to abolish them from the English language, even though some are slang and have already been shunned by Merriam-Webster. Still, I want to wipe planet Earth clean of them, UrbanDictionary.com included. I’m not sure if that is a feasible task to ask of myself, but perhaps with your help, we can make it possible. So without further ado, here are the words/phrases I loathe the most! They are in no particular order as I hate them all equally.
The words are...
- fodder
- muse
- angst
- chillax
- peeps
- late (instead of later)
- and the phrase "make love"
The first three words - fodder, muse and angst. These are words I really never heard or saw used much until I joined the blogosphere. These aren't awful words, but three of the most overly used words ever in blogging! Seriously, if you find yourself using these words often, PLEASE STOP! People tend to think that in order to write well you need to use a vocabulary set above or outside the realm of your own, instead of what you use in normal everyday speaking. I feel this only makes your writing awkward to read and gives the impression that you’re trying too hard to impress people by using words not in your comfort zone. Personally, I think some of the best writing comes from those that write how they speak. It’s just feels more authentic. So I have a hard time believing that all these bloggers go around actually saying words like muse, fodder and angst on the street.
Now chillax, peeps and late. Oh. My. God. I can not stand these slang terms! This takes me back to junior high when nerds would say "cool beans". What the fuck does cool beans mean? That's the stupidest phrase I have ever heard and you should be beaten within an inch of your life if you ever utter it. Seriously, I feel that strongly about it. I can hardly even type the words chillax, peeps and late without pounding my keyboard in a fit of uncontrollable 6th grade anger. For those who don't know, chillax is the love child of the word "chill" and "relax" that verbally fucked one another in retard fashion. Peeps is a cutey term that failed miserably in the cutey department and it is short for people. So instead of referring to your friends, you refer to your "peeps" - blah. Then we are brought to next gem. The word "late" is the product of some lazy, brain dead surfer dude who finds it to be too much work to say the measly two syllable word "later", as in goodbye. So he drops a syllable and just says "late". Now tell me you don't have the urge to skull whack him with his own surfboard when he says that.
Finally, we come to a phrase that just makes me shudder - make love. Call it fucking, screwing, banging, bumping uglies, sleeping together, whatever I don't care. Just don't call it making love. To me, the phrase "make love" holds this overly romanticised, cheesy, Harlequin novel type of connotation to it. I get this horrific 80s soap opera image stuck in my head of daytime's leading lady grabbing onto the fluffy chest hair of her mustached beau, looking deeply into his emerald green eyes and instructing him to make sweet love to her. He complies by sweeping her into his arms and carrying her into the bedroom where the sultry piano and violin music begins to play. That's the scene and that's the end of keeping my lunch down. I realize that sounds a bit harsh and it's probably breaking the hearts of women everywhere who love saying and hearing the phrase, but if I can be totally honest, when I hear someone say "make love" I want to vomit. And I have to believe I'm not the only guy alive that feels that way.
Go ahead and pick me apart with your psychology as to why I have such a severe reaction to the phrase. I'll be the first to admit that it's been awhile since I've had sex with someone who I was actually in love with and not just casually dating, so perhaps that is part of why I react to the phrase "make love" like I do. However, even when I have been in a serious relationship and I was in love, I still hated the phrase! In fact, I loathe it so much that if a girl were to refer to us sleeping together as making love, it may be the last time we ever sleep together. That is how severe my reaction to the phrase is. It just completely freaks me out! It's the "David freaking out equivalent" to a girl wanting me to commit on the first date (which is actually a true story of mine)! Or if she asked where the relationship is going on the first date! Ahh, my response would be..."You're going home and I'm never calling you again. That's where this is going." I know that sounds really mean, but who in their right mind would ask such a question after only spending an hour or two with someone? I don't even know you, but yet you want to comment on forever with you? The only "going question" I'm looking to answer is what bottle of wine will go with our dinner entree. By the way, we will NOT be going back to your place or mine and making love later tonight.
A girl saying "I want to fuck you" is hot, but the terminology doesn't always have to be explicit or crass. Sure spontaneous, throw you up against the wall, rip your clothes off, erotic sex is a favorite of mine, but I am fully capable of being sweet and romantic too. For the right girl, I will go far above and beyond my call of duty in terms of setting the mood and taking my time - some rose petals, candles, wine, a bubble bath, the works! Whatever it takes to pamper you and put a smile on your face. And if I should make your heart go a flutter and you end up spending the night, in the morning when your girlfriends ask how your date went, could you please just tell them you stayed over? Don't tell them we "made love" becaue the last thing you want to do when things are going good is freak a boy out to the point where he runs away screaming with his hands above his head.
They say to overcome a severe aversion to anything, you need to expose yourself to what you fear the most in order to desensitize yourself and overcome that fear. So let's hope this works...
My muse and peeps have told me that I need to rid myself of the angst I feel by making love to the words chillax and late, but if that doesn’t work, turn it into blog fodder.
I enjoyed watching the first episode of Time Team America on PBS last night. I've never seen the UK show on which it is based. The program has a nice web site, where you can stream last night's show. On yesterday's episode, the team was trying to find evidence for the European colonization of Roanoke Island, North Carolina.
