Relationship Status: Must Be In One!

What is it with some people's obsession with being in a relationship? I just don't get it. It's as if the word "single" is the new dirty word! They would rather be labeled a "cheater" than "single." Because if you're a cheater, you are at least in a relationship, or you've recently been in a relationship. But if you're single, you're dubbed a loser? This "must be in a relationship" notion seems to be especially true for Gen-Y, which I suppose makes sense given the fact that we grew up on technology. The Internet had just begun to boom when we were teenagers, which was the same time we started dating. Shortly after, Facebook came along and with it the infamous "Relationship Status" field we needed to fill out. While some where eager and more than happy to select "In A Relationship," others sheepishly selected the dirty word from the drop down box - "Single." Still, others opted for the "It's Complicated" selection...which always kills me when I see someone under the age of 18 saying it's complicated. Think it's complicated now? Just wait until you're older and you actually have a REAL relationship. Something more meaningful. Something that involves deeper feelings than the puppy love, school crushes you are accustom to.

We all know someone who changes their Facebook Relationship Status at a dizzying rate! Like a light switch, they're on again, off again. We see the happy, full heart icon when they enter a relationship. Then we see the sad, broken heart icon when they breakup. It's digitally dramatic. And am I the only one who doesn't care whether their heart is full or butterflies or daggers? Maybe it's a girl thing, but relationship status quos just don't interest me. When it comes to relationships, I guess I'm a bit old fashion in the sense that I don't feel the need to publicly announce my single/not single status. For the most part, I keep who I'm dating rather private. Afterall, a romantic relationship is supposed to be a private matter, is it not?

It's not Facebook Relationship Statuses that concern me though. What concerns me is the fact that I know far too many people that are willing to just settle, for the sake of wanting to say "I have a boyfriend/girlfriend." They basically settle for whoever will have them. They try converting their long time friend as a new love interest or get back together with an ex that previously treated them like poop! Why? Because like an old shoe, it's comfy. But when did people start picking comfy over happy? Comfy over excitement? Comfy over finding that one person in life you should (were meant to) be with, rather than the one that you just settled for because it was convenient to do so and they agreed to your relationship status quo? I believe it was Carrie Bradshaw that once said, "I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love." I don't know about you, but I want that! I want a girl that makes me deliriously happy and I refuse to settle for anything less.

Nobody will deny that dating can sometimes be scary, but people are basically throwing in the towel when it comes to love and that's just sad. Who would have thought that we would see the day when being in a relationship is viewed as LESS scary than dating!

Even as far back as the 6th grade, I saw this obsession people had with wanting to be in a relationship. It was like the badge of cool. If you weren't "going with" someone, you were a loser. Sure this love would only last for a week, a month at best, but during that time you made sure everyone knew you had a boyfriend/girlfriend. Kids were so desperate to be in a relationship that they even made-up fictitious boyfriends/girlfriends that they claimed went to another school. Rrright. I won't pretend I was immune to this. Half-way through the school year the pressure got to me. I was tempted to find a cute model from my sister's Teen magazine, cut out her photo, stuff it in my wallet and pass it off as "my girlfriend" that went to another school. In 2009, apparently 49-year-old woman try doing the same thing...but instead of Teen magazine, they use Facebook.

The More You Know

I like to think of myself as a fairly smart guy. I have a couple degrees and I can name all the U.S. States in alphabetical order. Now granted I have to sing them in that same squeaky, elementary school boy voice I had when I learned the "Fifty Nifty United States" song back in the 1st grade. But still, that level of smartitude has to count for something, right? So why is it that someone like me who borderlines on genius (note the sarcasm) can be so freaking dumb sometimes? I give to you Exhibit A.

Obviously this isn’t the exact conversation, word for word, as it occurred in real life and not over AIM or some other form of online communication where I could have saved the actual chit-chat. Although from the best of my recollection, this is how it went down...

Me: My head is killing me! Do you have any Aspirin?

Female Co-Worker: I have Tylenol. Do you want that?

Me: Yeah, that will work.

Female Co-worker: (checks her purse) Actually it’s Tylenol PM.

Me: (in a sarcastic, mocking tone) Ha-ha. I know. I get it. I’m on my man-period this week. But seriously, do you have just regular Tylenol or something?

Female Co-Worker: You know, you can take Tylenol PM.

Me: (gives her this irritated look as if to say stop playing around)

Female Co-Worker: Well...it might make you drowsy, but should get rid of your headache. (she pauses as a light bulb goes off in her head) Wait...what do you think the PM stands for?

Me: I'm not stupid. It's Tylenol for women. PM = premenstrual.

At this point she is almost on the floor in a fit of laughter. All these years I always thought that Tylenol PM was their version of Midol, the period medicine. I never knew PM stood for nighttime! Ahh, now I get it. I guess it does make sense though. Although to me, having PM stand for "premenstrual" made more sense.

Who ever looks at the moon on the bottle any way? Stupid period medicine.

Shoe Kaddish*

Manolo Blahnik, Louboutin,
Prada, Miu Miu and Lanvin
Rate their product's sex appeal
Proportionate to its dizzying heel.
And fashion magazines concur
That pointy toes are de rigeur.
So those of us with hammer toes
Neuromas, bunions, heaven knows
Decry our fate and curse the day
We gave our sexy heels away
To then buy Crocs that hug the ground
And let our toes cavort around.
We women of a certain age
Who yearn for heels all the rage
Lack the cushioning required
To wear those temples inversely spired.
But no men take the time to schmooze
With women wearing Merrell shoes.
In flattened sole and widened toe
We're shunned by mighty Manolo.
"Can't comfy shoes be sexy too?"
We plead in vain to Jimmy Choo.
"You've no idea the pain one feels
In one's knees when wearing heels."
And so we cry "Oh masters, dear
Our sad lament please kindly hear:
Make a shoe that looks like THAT
But do please leave the heel FLAT.
For age dictates our footwear choices.
We beseech you, hear our voices
And make a shoe that's not so spiky."
Reply the masters:
"Let them wear Nike."

*All rights reserved. This poem cannot be reproduced in whole or in part without prior written consent of the Idiosyncratic Fashionistas.

Fabulous vintage orange suede shoes with pointy heels, pointy toes and pointy tongue by Manolo Blahnik. No longer possible to wear; never possible to give away. Flat black and white shoes with crepe soles, linen vamp (from a Bergdorf napkin) and elastic ankle strap designed and hand made by Valerie in frustration after years of not finding any fabulous flat shoes at retailers (and after months of shoe making lessons).

Are You A Social Networking Snob?

According to Dictionary.com the definition of a snob is a simple one. A snob is a person who imitates, cultivates, or slavishly admires social superiors and is condescending or overbearing to others. A snob is also someone who believes himself or herself an expert or connoisseur in a given field and is disdainful of those who hold other opinions or have different tastes regarding this field. Basically a know-it-all that knows little to nothing about what they claim to be an expert in and have much to learn in life. They are soaked up in their own little world and feel the rest of the world revolves around them. Any outside distractions are mere misquotes that need swatted away. So by definition I would not be labeled a snob. Although when it comes to social networking sites, one may label me a snob simply because I don’t accept every friend request sent to me on Facebook and I don’t follow everyone that follows me on Twitter. Why? Well because I don’t want to. Is that a good enough reason?

Ok, that's not really the reason because it if was...then yes, I would deserve the title Social Networking Snob. But I do have valid reasons to decline Facebook friend requests or not follow those who follow me on Twitter. When it comes to Facebook, I tend to only accept friend requests from people I actually know. I operate that way because it's not very wise to document every minute of your life and openly share your cell phone number and other personal data with every person who happens to stumble across your Facebook page on the Internet. You need to be selective with the people you let into your world, especially your virtual world where every word and every photo tends to linger on for all of time. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a bad Facebooker. I just don’t keep up with it. And because of that, I currently have over 100 friend requests waiting for me to accept or decline, as well as roughly 10 e-mails sitting in my account that I have not read or replied to in over 3 months! Shame on me.

Now when it comes to Twitter, I get a bit anal with organization and simplicity. Some may say it’s a touch of O.C.D., but I like to believe I just like things neat. On every Twitter user’s page, there are 36 icons displayed that correspond to 36 of the people they follow. Follow more than 36 people and Twitter decides on its own whose face will receive front page recognition and whose face will get tucked away from view. I don’t like that. I like to see everyone on one page, like one big happy family. I like being able to quickly click on their mug and see what they are Tweeting about. Now sure I can click on my feed and see what everyone is Tweeting about that I follow all at once, but that feels a bit overwhelming. Some people get carried away and Tweet 10+ times a day! I have no idea where they find the time to do that or what exactly they have to say that seems so important to Tweet that much, but I simply feel overwhelmed having to sort through all their Tweets in my feed. I only Tweet once a day. That’s enough for me, with the exception of today when I Tweeted twice because I needed to vent about having my man-period. I’m sure you understand and forgive though.

Anyways, what I’m trying to say is that I’m stuck on the magical number of 36. I recently added a 37th person and now I feel all out of sorts. And I’m trying to figure out who was the unlucky person that Twitter automatically decided would not be front page worthy and tucked away from 36 icon view! Ok, I have issues, I get it. Lately two people in particular (don’t make me out you and say your names) have been harassing me about not following them on Twitter. One even asked me what my criteria was in choosing who l follow and what would it take for me to follow them. My reply - "Amazing head." A snob I’m not. A smartass I am.

I would follow both of them, but at this point I choose to be stubborn simply out of spite. I secretly enjoy annoying and frustrating them. It’s kind of (sick) fun to see them on the verge of smacking me. Don’t ask me why they are so adamant about me following them on Twitter. Me thinks they are tired of the one-sided DMs. Ah yes, I hold the power!

When it comes to what blogs I follow/read, it's pretty simple and no special exceptions are made for family or friends. So if you are a family member or a friend, I’m not going to link to you as one my "Noteworthy Blogs" just because we are blood or BFFs. I’m not into following certain blogs just because they are popular either. I have to truly enjoy your writing and be drawn into what you have to say. The same rule applies to girls. Just because you’re some super hot chick, I’m not going to pretend I’m interested in what you have to say (blog about) so you will want to go out with me. Although...come to think about it, that approach may not be that shabby of an idea!

How To Lose A Girl Everytime

I don’t think I’ve ever posted an audio file on my blog in lieu of a written entry, but right now I’m at a lost for words. Yes, me. Completely and utterly speechless. You’ll soon see why. But before you eagerly push play, let me tell you what you are about to listen to. Two girls were hanging outside a bar looking to catch a cab. While waiting, one of the girls catchs the eye of a man named Dimitri. The pair spoke for less than 2 minutes, but in that short period of time she hands him her business card and says, "Call me." They part and go their separate ways. Well not long after a Dimitri decides to give her a call. Harmless, right? Below is the actual voicemail message/s he left her. Now click play and prepare to be speechless yourself.

You see, our dear friend Dimitri has much to learn in this world. So very, very much. But what he is most ignorant about is women, especially how to talk to women. And how to STOP talking! What Dimitri lacks he attempts to make up by being an egotistical, condescending, arrogant asshole...among other things, but I’m at a lost for adjectives just like I’m at a lost for words. So I’ll let you fill in your own adjectives or explicatives as you see fit.

Is your jaw on the floor? Horrific, isn’t it? With each passing minute I cringed even more thinking it can’t possibly get any worse, then unbelievably, it does! Now just think how the poor girl feels who received those messages! I think she will be filing for a restraining order first thing in the morning. If not, I'll file for her.

Dimitri's ability to pick up chicks = FAIL!

***UPDATE***
For those that dare to dig a bit deeper into this Dimitri character...

• Dimitri’s Photo (He’s 45 years old! Try not to throwup, ladies.)
• Dimitri’s Wikipedia Page (Complete with criminal record!)
• Dimitri’s Website (NSFW)

Txting While Driving PSA - Too Graphic or A Must See?

Over the last couple years I’ve yelled at my friends who txt me while driving. I’m not trying to be a jerk or nag you like your mother. I’m simply doing it because I care about you and don’t want to see you hurt or kill someone...or hurt or kill yourself! Plus, I don’t think I could live with myself if something happened to you as a direct result of us exchanging txts while you were driving. I don’t want that mistake on my conscious, that I was on the other end of that phone and aided to the carnage. I want to go out with you on Friday night, not visit you in the hospital or attend your funeral. Let’s be honest, we have grown numb to Public Service Announcements (PSA) and numerous studies that throw statistics at us about the dangers of smoking, having unprotected sex, driving drunk, etc. We hear the numbers, but are we really getting it? Are we truly listening? Apparently not because these problems still exist and they are still killing people! And believe it or not, in today’s modern world the new killer is your cell phone! Talking on your cell phone while driving used to be the deadly killer, but now txting while driving has proven to be even more dangerous! Your risk of crashing increases 23x if you txt while driving! Twenty-three times! It’s actually more deadly than driving drunk! And despite the fact that 17 U.S. states ban txting while driving, you still see people doing it in nearly every car on the road. But perhaps this new PSA originating out of Gwent, Wales will change that.

***WARNING!***
This is a graphic video that is very bloody and violent. It may be disturbing to some viewers.

The over 4 minute long PSA depicts three teen girls giggling over a txt message they are sending while peacefully driving along a country road. Distracted, the driver smashes head-on into another car causing both cars to spin out of control. When the car carrying the teenagers finally comes to a stop, the shaken and bloodied girls exchange dazed glances while a third car careens into the passenger side. The driver’s cries quickly turn into hysterical screams when she finds her friend lying dead next to her, along with another dead friend in the backseat. Then the camera switches to another smashed vehicle and shows a young child inside, asking paramedics why her parents are not waking up. The camera pans once more, this time to a 6-month-old baby still in its car seat, blue eyes wide open and staring. The baby is dead.

The video continues with more police, paramedics and firefighters arriving on the scene. They are cutting through twisted metal to pull bodies from the wreckage - some dead, some barely alive. The teenage txting driver who caused the crash is life-flighted away by helicopter.

Produced by the Gwent Police Department, police locked arms with filmmaker Peter Watkins-Hughes to produce the PSA, titled "COW - The Film That Will Stop You Texting and Driving," named after the character Cassie Cowan, who unleashes the lethal chain of events by txting behind the wheel. While this PSA might be a dramatization, it’s VERY realistic! It sends out a horrible visual to illustrate the dangers of txting while driving. However, Americans can only view this video online because currently it has been deemed "too graphic" to air on U.S. television. In my opinion, that’s a giant mistake. This is EXACTLY what people everywhere in the world need to see! It’s like being scared straight. I was never one to txt (much) while driving, but after watching this video, there is no way I’m sending out a single txt behind the wheel. I’m a risk taker, but this is one risk I’m just not willing to take.

The message here is an obvious one, txting and driving can have tragic consequences. And the more this film is viewed, the better. So please ReTweet this post, Digg it, e-mail it to your friends, link it on Facebook, however you want to share the video would be great. The more people that see this PSA, the more lives that can be saved.

I’m Blunt And Brutally Honest. And I Will Not Change.

If there’s one thing I’m good at in life, it’s causing a controversy, or so it appears as evidence of my last blog post. And if there’s another thing I’m good at, it’s telling it like it is - sticking to my guns and not sugar coating my words or rephrasing what I say just to gladden the hypersensitive and easily offended. I will not tippy toe around my words and be politically correct just to please the public. If society says this is how one should properly live, then I say fuck society. Personally, I find it refreshing when I come across someone who is brave enough to speak their mind and doesn’t hold back. Now does this mean I’m some rude, inconsiderate prick that yearns to be insulting and obnoxious whenever given the chance? No, of course not. If you know me at all, you know that isn’t me. However, I will give my opinion (especially on MY blog) and I’ll stand behind every last bit of it and not apologize for any of it. My writing has been described as raw and I consider that a good thing. I’m blunt and brutally honest. It's not always what people WANT to hear, but often it's what they NEED to hear. I think if people would learn to accept hearing things that are blunt and brutally honest, rather than this sugar coated bullshit they pine after, they would be a lot better off - like doing it Dr. Phil style. People need the truth, but they can't always handle the truth which is sad. It's similar to "he's just not that into you." Girls may not want to hear it, but more often than not it's the cold hard truth and something they need to hear, as painful as it may be. And for some, as Jack Nicholson once said, "You can’t handle the truth!"

I’m so sick of people making a mountain out of a mole hill. I’m so sick of having my words picked apart, twisted around and misconstrued into something they aren’t. I’m so sick of my words falling on deaf ears and repeating myself. But most of all, I’m sick of the drama and the petty bullshit. Although it seems to many people that I’m just plain sick!

If you were offended by my last post in the least, then maybe instead of making me your whipping boy, perhaps you should take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror. Seriously, ask yourself why you felt so outraged. Why did this stranger’s blog tussle your feathers so? Perhaps there was something that has occurred in your life that has left you feeling bitter, some type of emotional issue you have yet to overcome that my words somehow stirred up in you? If that’s the case, then don’t take it out on me. Instead, go seek some consoling because I am not the source of your anger and exploding on me is not going to heal you. Because honestly, there is no way a post about a humorous Facebook hack should have got anyone’s panties in a bind. NONE! And quite frankly, I was rather shocked how many people flew off the handle about it. If you ask me, it was a bit ridiculous.

Now for those who left anonymous comments...isn’t it convenient to cast a quick judgment, say a bunch of ignorant crap and run away? Ah yes, that’s the beauty of the Internet and exactly what 99% of anonymous comments online are - cowards, virtually hiding behind a mask to conceal one’s identity so you don’t have to be held accountable for your words. They switch up online aliases and conjure up different personas whenever the mood strikes. Unfortunately for them, an admin with half a brain can easily decode their true identity. And for those that were once long time readers/followers of mine that after my last post vow to never read me again, so be it. I find it rather odd how for months you flooded me with compliments, praise and support, but suddenly you turned so fickle. Hey, I’m not going to lose any sleep over it. If I was writing strictly to gain and maintain a large readership base, then I would point out how that last post had close to 3,000 hits in just the first 24 hours of it being published and that I actually gained more followers/readers than I had lost over it! So really, you aren’t hurting my feelings by declaring you hate me and storming off. A salty tear I do not shed.

When it comes right down to it, I don’t write for anyone but myself. Sure I put my words out there and you are welcome to read them, but I am not writing to please people. I am not writing for you. I write because I enjoy the process. Although lately this process has become a lot less enjoyable. It was actually exhausting to read the 80+ comments on the last post. Anyone would grow a bit weary weeding through countless personal insults and having to endure scolding after scolding like I was some bastard child in need of an earful.

I asked a friend last night why I even bother with blogging. She replied with..."You love writing, you hate the bullshit." No truer words have ever been spoken!