David Meltzer elected as NAS fellow

photo from http://smu.edu/anthro

The National Academy of Sciences announced the election of 72 new members and 18 foreign associates from 15 countries in recognition of their distinguished and continuing achievements in original research.

The election was held during the business session of the 146th annual meeting of the Academy. Those elected bring the total number of active members to 2,150.

The lone archaeologist selected was David J. Meltzer, Henderson-Morrison Professor of Prehistory and executive director, QUEST Archaeological Research Program, department of anthropology, Southern Methodist University, Dallas.

According to Prof. Meltzer's web page:

My research interests center on the origins, antiquity, and adaptations of the first Americans (Paleoindians), who colonized the North American continent at the end of the Pleistocene (Ice Age). I seek to understand how these hunter-gatherers met the challenges of moving across and adapting to the vast, initially unknown, ecologically diverse, landscape of Late Glacial North America, during a time of significant climate change. This has evolved in several directions, including an interest in understanding landscape learning, the demographics of colonization, and how such processes might play out over centuries and be visible archaeologically.

The National Academy of Sciences is a private organization of scientists and engineers dedicated to the furtherance of science and its use for the general welfare. It was established in 1863 by a congressional act of incorporation signed by Abraham Lincoln that calls on the Academy to act as an official adviser to the federal government, upon request, in any matter of science or technology.

Congratulations, David!

Verizon To Offer Apple iPhone Lite

Hal lay lu ya. Praise the Lord. And it’s about f-ing time! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this? Finally, my prayers have been answered and I’m so excited I could piss my pants! However, I’m going to cross my legs until I finish this post and relieve my bladder later. So are you ready for the earth shattering news? You better make sure you’re seated because if you have a little geek in you, you are certain to faint.

The iPhone is coming to Verizon!

Oh my God. Deep breath. Don’t hyperventilate, David. Compose...and continue.

It seems that Verizon and Apple finally have a deal in the works to bring the sexiest phone on the planet to the #1 wireless provider on the planet. While Apple may be in bed with AT&T until their 2010 contract expires, that hasn’t stopped Steve Jobs from cheating just a little bit in the last 6 months by making nice with Verizon. It’s been a secret love affair, but now the dirty laundry is being aired! If you recall back when the iPhone was in development, Jobs had shopped the idea to Verizon first before settling with AT&T. Of course back then Verizon stupidly rejected the iPhone. However, it seems both companies are willing to let bygones be bygones and work together to give consumers what they want - an iPhone on the Verizon Wireless network. Just be warned, AT&T is about to throw a full blown hissy fit when they hear the news!

But enough about AT&T, they suck anyway and I no longer care to talk about them. So let me spill the goods on what this new iPhone deal means for you the consumer. First the bad news, this will not be the same Apple iPhone that is already on the market. The new Apple iPhone made exclusively for Verizon will lack one main feature, Wi-Fi. I know, I’m upset about that too. It’s one of the best features the iPhone offers! However, let’s not dwell on the negative and let’s focus on the positive. So the good news is that this will be a smaller, thinner, less expensive iPhone! And all the other bells and whistles today’s iPhone offers will be included in this new Verizon iPhone. Go ahead, you may cheer now.

Inside sources are saying it will be called the "iPhone Lite". And rumor has it that it will be officially announced sometime this June and will go on sale by early July. I for one will be getting it that very first day it’s released!

In other related Verizon and Apple news, another device is said to be in the works as well. Some are dubbing it the "iPad" which is a media pad that would let users listen to music, view photos and watch high-definition videos. Also, it would have the ability to place calls over a Wi-Fi connection. Pretty cool indeed!

So there you have it. The best tech news I’ve heard all year! I can die a happy boy now.

Why did the SAA get so little media coverage?

You'd think that a major national archaeology meeting would get good media coverage. Yet when I did a Google news search on the SAA Atlanta meeting, I get only 4 hits on 3 different stories. (Lexis Nexis Academic does no better.) What's up with that? Are the newspapers too busy trying to survive? Or is the SAA, well, just pre-occupied with other things?

Smokin' Hot!

Smokin' Hot!

Man, is it smokin' outside! With temperatures pushing 90 degrees here in Philadelphia over the past couple days, you'd never know it's only April. I'm not complaining, though. Due to some of my medications, I am always freezing. But not the past few days. Taking full advantage of this opportunity, I used some soon-to-be expired train tickets to head into Center City and sit in Rittenhouse Square, girl-watching and eating pizza. The next day, I decided to cruise in my chair along Kelly Drive, girl-watching again. Are you noticing a common theme here?

As for the cigarette, relax, it's only a tasteless joke -- my body is messed up enough from DMD that the last thing I'd ever do is smoke! Anyone who knows me knows I'm the most neurotic, overly cautious person who would never do anything remotely dangerous. But you have to admit, that photo would scare every teenager away from ever picking up a cigarette!

Okay, I'm going back outside -- not to poison myself, but to enjoy the sun's heat while it lasts...

Obama’s First 100 Days In Office Checklist

News sources everywhere are a buzz about President Obama’s first 100 days in office - what he’s done, what he’s failed to do. He’s under much scrutiny and rightly so. During his Presidential campaign he made himself the poster boy for change. So it’s only natural that people expect to see that promised change from the head of the White House. The American people want/need that change and want/need it fast! However, let’s be realistic here. He has a lot on his plate! I don’t think any other U.S. President has ever had so many issues left by his predecessor on Inauguration Day. Those lingering issues are now the challenges set before Obama, issues he must not only deal with, but solve. This change will be a constant work in progress, over the course of his 4 year term. Change can’t happen overnight. But how much change can he deliver, or rather lead us to, in the first 100 days in office? That is the burning question!

Why anyone would want to be President is beyond me. The pressure is ridiculous! Although, he did sign on for it. So why some people continue to pressure him to make miracle changes in just the first few weeks in office, I honestly think it's going to take a lot longer. Still, there is a checklist floating around the Internet of goals people would like to see from their President before he reaches his 100th day in office, which is rapidly approaching on April 29, 2009.

I do like the idea of 100 days of promises to live up to. Will he fulfill them all? Well, time will tell. I don't think he will get it done in 100 days, especially considering he only has 6 days left until the 100th day deadline, but it's something to shoot for. And I for one am willing to embrace ANY change he can bring us! Or rather any change he can help lead us into.

One website, obama100days.amnesty.org states, "We don’t expect the impossible from President Barack Obama." But then they go on to include huge goals likes these on their First 100 Days In Office checklist...

Day 1: Global Economy Fixed.
Day 20: Global Warming Reversed.
Day 83: World Peace Established.
Day 94: Meteor Defense Shield Created.

These sound more like the goals that a dingbat Miss America pageant contestant would naively promise to bring if she were crowed. This checklist can’t be serious, unless we elected God himself as President! So while I respect those who set goals for themselves and do everything in their power to achieve those goals in a timely fashion, setting goals for someone else and saying "here, do it, and fast" just doesn’t seem logical nor reasonable to me.

So forget finding world peace, solving the economic meltdown and reversing global warming. Those issues aren't THAT important, are they? Instead of being so critical right now, let’s just be thankful that he finally took care of that "Puppy Promise" of his - First Dog, Bo is hard at work watering and fertilizing the White House lawn as we speak. Hmm, now what goal # was that on the list? Let’s scratch it off.

***NOTE***
You can also see this post featured on the frontpage of BrazenCareerist.com

SAS business meeting on Friday at SAA

SAS Business Meeting
Friday, April 24
3:30 pm–5:00 pm
Marriott Marquis 109

Sorry about the conflict with sessions.
(I wish SAA could do this another way.)


Tentative agenda:

1. Election results for President-elect
2. New editor of the SAS Bulletin
3. Officers' reports
4. Taylor Poster Award,
5. Supporting the new Archaeological and Anthropological Sciences Journal
6. Becoming SAA-affiliated society
7. ISA 2010
8. Membership - recruitment emails; contact list; student meeting reps; new pamphlets
9. SAS blog and wiki - update; traffic evaluation; additional useful content; how to sustain

May we all think of Earth Day as we stomp our carbon footprints on the way to Atlanta!

(photo credit: http://www.jpgmag.com/people/kwilliam71)

I Know Nothing About You

I wrote a post titled "I’m Beautiful And Ugly And Misunderstood", almost exactly two years ago. In it I expressed how I feel my family doesn’t even know me. I mean REALLY know me. Know the REAL me. I cited the example of how my Grandmother always thought my favorite color was yellow. It’s not. It’s red. It was never yellow. She wanted me to like yellow, so in her head she made my favorite color be yellow. She did this for both of my sisters too, decided our favorite colors for us. I never understood it, but I accepted it. I went on to state that it’s not just about my favorite color. It’s about everything. I’m misunderstood. I’m improperly interpreted. I’m wrongly judged. I feel the depth of me is unappreciated. I feel it is my fault because the depth of me has yet to be seen. I fail to show the many layers that lie beneath my skin. Everyone knows my outer shell. Hardly anyone knows my inner core. I had gone on to question why that was. Why does my Grandmother seem to know so little of me when I know so much of her? Is it the lack of my story telling? Is it my failure to openly share every aspect of my soul? Or is it the lack of her wanting to know me? Truly know me. Two years later I find myself asking these same questions once again, but not about my relationship with my Grandmother. This time around, it’s about a girl.

What I don't know about her could fill a book. So what do I know about her for sure? Well I know that I make her smile. And I suppose for now that’s good enough for me. In time, the rest will come. For now, I dread someone catching me thinking about her and saying, "Tell me about her." I don’t dread that conversation because I’m ashamed or embarrassed to have her face pass thru my mind, but because my response would be, "Umm. I don’t know where to even start." And that wouldn’t be my bashful way of saying there’s so much to her that I can’t even begin to summarize her beauty inside and out. No, it’s because I really don’t know where to start because I haven’t even got to know her that well myself. Although I'm hopeful that will soon change. That the unknown won't be forever etched in stone.

It’s not that we don’t talk, because we do, a lot! It’s just that I have no idea what we talk about - nothing of substance apparently. I guess we just bullshit the time away. Between all the joking around and flirting, I couldn’t even tell you what is really said. That sounds strange, I know. And believe me, this has come to the forefront of my mind lately and I’ve begun questioning it...or rather questioning her.

I’ve seen every inch of you naked and even brought you to orgasm, but until last night, I didn’t even know what your favorite color was. I had to ask because I wanted to know. You must have thought I was a bit odd asking you what your favorite color was, along with your favorite number and favorite food, like I was some 5-year-old conducting a survey. I inquired about your family as well because it doesn’t seem right to me that I know of that teeny tiny mark beneath the inner curve of your right butt cheek, but I have no idea how many siblings you have. The most important figures in your life are your family. And if they’re important to you, they’re important to me. Now I’m not saying you need to introduce me to your Mom. I’m just saying that I want to know that you have a family. I want to know who they are, that they exist. Is that ok?

I shouldn’t have titled this post "I Know Nothing About You", because after last night, that’s no longer true. I now know your favorite color! Although, I still have much to learn. So I ask one more thing from you. I ask that you take me out of my comfort zone. Teach me something new. Show me your world. I’m open to whatever you want to throw at me. I’m a sponge. Soak me up in you.

It should go without saying - I'm ready, willing and eager to learn.

Archaeometry at SAA - Saturday, 4/25

Here are some sessions for Saturday that have an archaeometric focus. Come to SAS-sponsored session 184, but don't miss those gems in other sessions.

[134] GENERAL SESSION DIGITAL DATA
Room: International A
Time: 8:00 AM–9:30 AM
Chair: Sarah Kansa

Participants:
8:00 Margaret Bruchez, Elizabeth I. Louden and Joel Gordon—Painted Indian Cave (41BC1), Blanco County, Texas: A Study in 3D Cultural Visualization and Acoustic Mapping
8:15 Christopher Goodmaster—Mapping at a Scale of One to One: The Implications of High Definition Documentation for Archaeological Sites and Artifacts via 3D Laser
Scanning
8:30 Sarah Kansa and Eric Kansa—Yes, it is all about you: User Needs, Archaeology and Digital Data
8:45 Jessica Freas—3D Scanning Using the NextEngine Generations for Artifact Analysis and Public Education
9:00 Bulent Arikan—A New Approach in Site Mapping: Grass GIS and Vector Repositioning
9:15 Jorgen Bergstrom—Computer Assisted Radar Tomography for Geophysical Investigations of Archaeological Sites


[168] SYMPOSIUM PROVENANCE STUDIES IN ARCHAEOLOGY
(Sponsored by Society for Archaeological Sciences and the International Association for Obsidian Studies)
Room: International A
Time: 1:00 PM–4:30 PM
Organizers and Chairs: Mostafa Fayek and Sharon Hull

Participants:
1:00 Carolyn Dillian, David Braun and Emmanuel Ndiema—Obsidian Characterization and Theories of Interaction, Koobi Fora, Kenya
1:15 Anne Hamilton, Mostafa Fayek and S. Brooke Milne—Palaeo-Eskimo Lithic Exploitation Strategies: Assessing Inferences of Culture Change Through Chert Sourcing on Southern Baffin Island
1:30 Rachel ten Bruggencate and Mostafa Fayek—Sourcing quartz quarries from Granville Lake, Manitoba, Canada using trace elements and oxygen isotopes
1:45 Alyson Thibodeau, Joaquin Ruiz and John Chesley—Tracing Turquoise from Site to Source Using Radiogenic Isotopes
2:00 Judith Habicht-Mauche—Studying Glaze-Paint Production and Exchange in the American Southwest Using Lead Isotope Analysis
2:15 Mostafa Fayek and Sharon Hull—Fingerprinting Turquoise Provenance Regions in the American Southwest and Northern Mexico
2:30 Matthew Boulanger and Michael Glascock—Salvage Archaeometry: Rescue, Preservation, and Dissemination of Geochemical Data
2:45 Tom Fenn, Peter Robertshaw, Marilee Wood and John Chesley—Early IslamicCommerce with sub-Saharan Africa: Chemical and Isotopic Analyses of Late 1stMillennium A.D. Glass Beads from Igbo-Ukwu, Nigeria
3:00 Lisa Molofsky and David Killick—Sources of Tin in Prehistoric Bronzes: A Novel Approach
3:15 Jeffrey Dobereiner, William Saturno and Robert H. Tykot—Source Analysis of Obsidian from San Bartolo and Xultun, Guatemala by X-ray Fluorescence
3:30 Daniel Contreras and Nicholas Tripcevich—Research at the Quispisisa obsidian source in the central Peruvian highlands
3:45 Steven Shackley—Discussant
4:00 Hector Neff—Discussant
4:15 Robert Tykot—Discussant


[175] POSTER SESSION: GEOARCHAEOLOGY INTEREST GROUP POSTER SESSION:
GEOARCHAEOLOGY AND INTERPRETATION
(Sponsored by Geoarchaeology Interest Group)
Room: Marquis Lobby
Time: 2:00 PM–4:00 PM
Organizers: Melissa Goodman-Elgar and Kelly Derr
Chair: Melissa Goodman

Participants:
175-a Louis Fortin—Lithic Investigations Along the Tambo-Ilo Coast of Southern Peru
175-b Kara A. Rothenberg and E. Christian Wells—Soilscape Legacies of the Palmarejo Valley, Northwestern Honduras
175-c Donald Thieme, Suanna Selby Crowley, Joseph Schuldenrein and Michael Michael Aiuvalasit —Cultural and Natural Site Formation Processes in Stratified Alluvium of the Susquehanna River, southern New York
175-d Louise Purdue—Geoarchaeology and Micromorphology of the Long Term Hohokam Irrigation System
175-e Bonnie Blackwell, Anne R. Skinner, Joel I.B. Blickstein and Andres Montoya—Answering Key Questions with Geoarchaeology: ESR's Ability to Determine the Site Age
175-f Risa Carlson and James Baichtal—Paleogeography of the Late Pleistocene and Quaternary Coastlines of Southeast Alaska and their potential Archaeological Significance
175-g Gavin Gillmore, Doug Sims and Peter Hooda—Environmental contamination associated with historic mining and milling within Nelson, Nevada, USA
175-h Melissa Goodman-Elgar and Louis Fortin—Geoarchaeological Assessment of floor variability in a Formative sunken court complex, Taraco Peninsula, Bolivia
175-i Kelly Derr, Patrick Dolan and Colin Grier—Shaping the Past: Interpreting Landscape Management in the Gulf Islands of British Columbia, Canada
175-j Patrick Dolan, Melissa Goodman-Elgar, Colin Grier and Kelly Derr—Tracking Dirt: Bringing Geoarchaeology into the House


[176] POSTER SESSION: SCIENCE IN SUPPORT OF ARCHAEOLOGY
Room: Marquis Lobby
Time: 2:00 PM–4:00 PM
Organizer and Chair: Linda Cummings

Participants:
176-a Linda Cummings—Synergy: The Whole is Greater than the Sum of the Parts
176-b Kathryn Puseman—Know What You're Dating! A Look at the Top Three Reasons why you Should Identify Material Being Radiocarbon Dated
176-c R.A. Varney—Adapting to change: Subsistence and mobility in response to climate change
176-d W. Gear and Linda Cummings—People, Food, Residues, and Meals
176-e Chad Yost—Recent Applications of Plant Opal Phytolith Analysis of Coprolites, Privies, Sherds and Stratigraphic Columns
176-f Elizabeth Hickey—Subsistence at O'Neill Crater
176-g Peter C. Condon and Maria E. Hroncich—An Assessment of Late Puebloan Socio-Economic Dynamics in the Trans-Pecos Region. Excavations at 41EP1623, El Paso County, Texas


[182] GENERAL SESSION: ZOOARCHAEOLOGICAL STUDIES IN THE MAYA AREA
Room: M302
Time: 4:00 PM–5:00 PM
Chair: Elyse Anderson

Participants:
4:00 Erin Thornton—Zooarchaeological and Isotopic Perspectives on Ancient Maya Economy and Exchange
4:15 Erol Kavountzis—Evaluating cave use through spatial analysis of animal remains from Maya caves in Guatemala and Belize
4:30 Elyse Anderson—Animals and Ritual: A Zooarchaeological Analysis of Petexbatun Caves
4:45 Nawa Sugiyama and William Fash—Reinterpreting the Copan Felines

In a Fog

In a Fog

It's a beautiful day, sunny and warm, but I feel like I'm in a fog. Ever since my cardiologist increased my beta-blocker a few weeks ago to further reduce the irregular heart rhythms I had been experiencing (despite an increase in the same medication only a few months ago), I have been exhausted. And by exhausted, I don't mean very tired; I mean practically unable to function. I wake up tired and it takes me all day until I feel like myself.

The good news is that my doctor believes that I will adjust to the medication increase and be less tired. I know I adjusted the last time we increased it. And that would be a good thing, as I'm going to need all the energy I can muster over the next few months, while I complete my master's thesis and do some traveling, among other activities.

The bad news is, of course, that my heart may be getting weaker and you need a heart to, well, live! Inevitably, the heart will weaken when you have DMD. Whether that's what is happening now, even my doctor can't know for sure. Yeah, that's scary and unsettling, but I have no choice except to live to the best of my ability. After all, I could be around for a while and it would be a shame to waste even a second. To quote that noted philosopher, Ferris Bueller, "Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Six Word Memoirs

When challenged to do so, Ernest Hemingway wrote a story in six words.

His story: "For sale: baby shoes, never worn."

Six powerful words that tell a much deeper story than a simple number count would imply. You may recall back in October of 2008 I wrote a post called "Say It In Six Words". In that post I asked readers of my blog to share a secret of theirs in just six words. I have to admit, the outpouring of secrets/comments the post received were amazing! And to this day, it’s one of my favorite posts - not because of what I wrote, but because of what all of you wrote.

I’m not one to write for the sole purpose of getting feedback, but in this case, the post can only be as good as the feedback it receives. So in a sense, you write the post! So lay it on me. Tell your story in six words. No more. No less. Just six. And if you wish to post Anonymous, that's fine.

To be fair, I'll start it off with six, six word memoirs of my own...

"Still blame myself for your suicide."
"My laughter is an amazing disguise."
"You showed me that I mattered."
"Want me as boyfriend or boy-friend?"
"2009 gave birth to David 2.0"
"I write like no-one is reading."

All The Cool Kids Moved To Facebook, Long Ago!

I have some big breakup news! I’ve dumped Tom and now I’m in an exclusive relationship with Zucky! Don’t know what I’m talking about? Then read on.

Facebook users have long surpassed MySpace users. For the first time ever in mid 2008, Facebook was able to call itself the #1 social network, a title MySpace had carried for years...but not anymore. Personally, I’m happy about that. For some time now, I’ve loathed MySpace! And because I’ve developed a small hatred towards MySpace, I’m disassociating myself from that little corner of the web. So here are my top reasons why I am deleting my very inactive MySpace account.


Top Reasons Why I'm Ditching MySpace

• Nothing good has ever come from me having a MySpace account.
• I simply cannot take one more MILF e-mailing me!
• The majority of member’s pages make my eyes bleed with dancing Care Bears and sparkly unicorns.
• To make matters worse, some unknown annoying country song that makes me wish I was born a deaf mute begins to blare.
• I haven’t logged in since last year and actually forgot my password, that’s how inactive the account is.
• Having a MySpace account is about as cool as popping your collar.

Besides, all the REAL cool kids moved to Facebook long ago and so have I, even though there was a time when I swore against joining any social networking sites. In fact, I even mentioned this on my soon to be deleted MySpace page. "I once said I would NEVER sign up for any social networking site and then...here I am. In my defense though, I was pressured into getting a MySpace account, nagged into it is more like it. Although I do have free will so I guess I need to take partial blame. One day I'll delete it."

And today is that day.

Goodbye MySpace. It's now your space. I'll not be renewing my lease.

***NOTE***
You can also see this post featured on the frontpage of BrazenCareerist.com

Archaeometry at SAA - Friday, 4/24

Here are some sessions heavier on archaeometry
(by my reckoning) for Friday. But search for that archaeometric gem that is part of some other session.

And don't forget to enjoy Atlanta, with Coke!


[76] SYMPOSIUM 2009 FRYXELL AWARD: MICHAEL D. GLASCOCK AND THE MURR
ARCHAEOMETRY LABORATORY
Room: Marquis Ballroom Salon B
Time: 8:00 AM–9:45 AM
Organizer and Chair: Robert Speakman

Participants:
8:00 Hector Neff—Twenty Years of Ceramic Provenance Research at MURR
8:15 Ron Bishop, M. James Blackman and Erin L. Sears—Toward a Common Pool: INAA research in Mesoamerica
8:30 Robert Speakman, Darrell Creel and Myles Miller—New Perspectives on Mimbres Pottery Production and Exchange
8:45 Robert Tykot—Mike's Multiple Methods at MURR for Mediterranean Obsidian Sourcing
9:00 Cyndi Charlton and Thomas H. Charlton—The Malpaís Obsidian Source Area in the Basin of Mexico
9:15 Barbara Stark—Discussant
9:30 Michael Glascock—Discussant


[83] SYMPOSIUM THE GREAT MAYA DROUGHTS IN CULTURAL CONTEXT
Room: Marquis Ballroom Salon A
Time: 8:00 AM–12:00 PM
Organizer and Chair: Gyles Iannone

Participants:
8:00 Jim Aimers and Gyles Iannone—Introduction: The Dynamics of Ancient Maya Developmental History
8:15 Gyles Iannone, Jason Yaeger and David Hodell—The Great Maya Droughts: A Critical Introduction
8:30 Nicholas Dunning, McCormick Carmen, Timothy Beach and John Jones—Drought and the Preclassic-Classic transition in NE Peten and NW Belize
8:45 Tom Sever, Robert Griffin, Udaysankar Nair and Matthew Welch—Agricultural Land Use, Deforestation, and Drought Severity
9:00 Kitty Emery and Erin K. Thornton—Effects of Precipitation Variation on Wetland Habitat Use as Reflected by Animal Remains from Maya Archaeological Sites
9:15 Antoine Repussard, Henry P. Schwarcz, Kitty F. Emery, Erin K. Thornton and Jonathon Malatesta—Oxygen Isotopes from Maya Archaeological Deer Remains: Experiments in Tracing Drought using Bones and Teeth
9:30 David Webster—Maya Drought and Niche Inheritance
9:45 George Brook, Holley Moyes, Jaime Awe and James Webster—Stalagmite Evidence from Belize Indicating Significant Droughts During the Classic Maya Era
10:00 Holley Moyes, James Webster, Jaime Awe and George Brook—Ritual and the Environment: Evidence for a Late Classic Drought Cult in Western Belize
10:15 Matt O'Mansky and Arthur Demarest—Water, Politics, and the Earliest Manifestations of the Classic Maya Collapse: A Holistic Perspective from the Western Maya Kingdoms
10:30 Andrew Scherer and Charles Golden—Water in the West: Chronology and Collapse of the Classic Maya River Kingdoms
10:45 Arlen Chase and Diane Chase—A Drought of Thought: The Maya Collapse in the Southern Lowlands
11:00 Fred Valdez and Vernon Scarborough—The Prehistoric Maya of Northern Belize: Issues of Drought and Cultural Transformations
11:15 Doug Kennett, Patrick Bartlein, Kevin Cannariato, Yemane Asmerom and Megan Walsh—The Complex Role of Climate Change in Socioeconomic Integration and Fragmentation in the Southern Maya Lowlands
11:30 Keith Prufer, Brendan Culleton, Bruce Winterhalder, Jaime Awe and Douglas Kennett—Modeling Complex Human Behavioral Responses to Climate Change in the Eastern Periphery of the Maya Lowlands
11:45 David Hodell and Jason Yaeger—Understanding the Role of Climate Change in the Maya Past: Toward a Multidisciplinary Collaborative Methodology


[85] SYMPOSIUM ENVISIONING THE SHORE: NEW INSIGHTS INTO THE OCCUPATION AND ANTHROPIC CONFIGURATION OF COASTAL SETTINGS
(Sponsored by Journal of Island and Coastal Archaeology)
Room: M102
Time: 8:30 AM–12:00 PM
Organizers and Chairs: Ximena Villagran and Silvia Peixoto

Participants:
8:30 Ximena Villagran and Daniela Klokler—Building coastal landscapes: Zooarchaeology and Geoarchaeology as tools to understand ritual shell deposits
8:45 Scott Fitzpatrick and Torben Rick—Cataclysmic Events in Coastal Archaeology
9:00 Roger Wikell and Mattias Pettersson—Show me your shore - and I can tell who you are
9:15 Winifred Creamer, Jonathan Haas, Jesus Holguin and Edward Jakaitis—Far from the Shore: The role of Marine Resources in the Late Archaic (3000 to 1800 B.C.) Norte Chico Region of Peru
9:30 Karen Coutts, John Krigbaum and Alejandro Chu—Inferences of social complexity in Preceramic Period (3000-1800B.C.) Peru revealed through isotopic analyses at the Bandurria site
9:45 Colin Grier, Patrick Dolan and Kelly Derr—Managing Coastscapes: Long-term Processes of Settlement and Coastal Landform Development in the Gulf Islands of Southern British Columbia, Canada
10:00 Paulo DeBlasis and Paulo C. F. Giannini—Dynamics and interaction of geological and archaeological processes in the Southern coast of Santa Catarina, Brazil
10:15 Jennifer Perry—Island Interiors and Coastal Interfaces on the California Channel Islands
10:30 Carola Flores Fernandez and Bernardo Broitman—A critical review of the use of ecological data and the anthropological applications of coastal archaeology around the world
10:45 Marcello Mannino, Kenneth D. Thomas, Sebastiano Tusa, Emiliano Tufano and Michael P. Richards—Becoming insular? Human responses to climate change and rising sea levels along the coasts of western Sicily from the Late Pleistocene to the Mid-Holocene
11:00 Rebecca Knapp—Space and Society: Spatial Analysis of Dorset Palaeoeskimo Slate Tools at the Phillip’s Garden Site
11:15 Silvia Peixoto—Formation processes of the small-size shellmounds located at the southern coast of Brasil
11:30 Lauren Willis, Andrew Boehm and Torben Rick—Coastlines, Canyon Bottoms, and Rockshelters: Human Settlement Strategies in Lobo Canyon, Santa Rosa
Island, California
11:45 Andre Colonese, Jordi Estévez Escalera, Edgard Camaros and Ester Verdun—Integrated Archaeozoological Research Of Shell Middens: New Insights Into Yamana Coastal Exploitation In The Tierra Del Fuego (Argentina)


[100] POSTER SESSION SOIL GEOCHEMISTRY IN THE MAYA AREA OF MESOAMERICA
Room: Marquis Lobby
Time: 12:00 PM–2:00 PM
Organizer and Chair: Richard Terry

Participants:
100-a Eric Coronel, Richard Terry, Daniel Bair, Rachel Bair and Chelsea Katseanes—An Ethnographic study of Soil Geochemical Signatures of Butchering Activities at the Contemporary Maya Village of Telchaquillo, Yucatan
100-b Chris Balzotti, Richard Burnett and Richard Terry—Vegetation and Soil Resources of the Ancient Maya site of Ramonal, near Tikal, Guatemala
100-c Daniel Bair, Richard Terry, Bruce Dahlin and Marilyn Masson—Soil Geochemical Analysis of Public Squares at the Postclassic City of Mayapan, Yucatan
100-d Richard Terry, Daniel Bair and David Anderson—Geochemical Soil Analysis of a Possible Preclassic Marketplace and Other Features at Xtobo, Yucatan, Mexico
100-e Gordon Rees, Richard Terry and Chris Balzotti—Soil Resources of the Ancient
Maya at Tecolote in the Usumacinta River Basin


[110] SYMPOSIUM BEYOND PROVENANCE: CERAMIC PETROGRAPHY AND CERAMIC TECHNOLOGY
(Sponsored by Society for Archaeological Sciences)
Room: M103
Time: 1:00 PM–4:45 PM
Organizer and Chair: Maria Masucci

Participants:
1:00 Maria Masucci—Fabric and Culture: Technological Change in Ecuadorian “Finger-Painted” Pottery
1:15 George Pevarnik—Not Everything that Glitters is Gold and not Every Whitish Aplastic is Quartz: Theoretical and Methodological Implications for Pottery Analyses and Interpretations
1:30 Patrick Quinn and Margie Burton—Ceramic Petrography, Craft Technology and Cultural Identity in Pre-Contact Southern California
1:45 Yukiko Tonoike—Beyond Style: Petrographic analysis of Dalma ceramics in two regions of Iran
2:00 David Hill—Regional Mobility and the Sources of Ceramics Recovered in Southeastern New Mexico and West Texas
2:15 Thomas Charlton and María Eugenia Guevara Mendoza—Petrographic and INAA Studies of Teotihuacan Period Ceramics from Rural Sites
2:30 Sophia Kelly, Gordon Moore, David Abbott and Christopher Watkins—Technological Choices Related to Sand Temper Selection in Perry Mesa Plainware Pottery
2:45 Jerolyn Morrison and Mara T. Horowitz—Studies in Replicating Bronze Age Cooking Fabrics from Two Mediterranean Sites
3:00 Miriam Cantor—Petrographic and Microprobe Analysis of Plain Ware from Chogha Sefid to Determine Cultural Origin
3:15 Sandra Lopez—New routes for characterization studies: analyzing the process of modernity
3:30 Anabel Ford, Frank Spera and Brianne Catlin—Nothing Is Simple: Identifying The Source of Late Classic Maya Volcanic Ash
3:45 Evangelia Kiriatzi—Beyond Provenance: Ceramic petrology as Tool in the Reconstruction of Technological Landscapes
4:00 Marie-Claude Boileau—Integrating macro-feature analysis to ceramic petrography for the identification of technological traditions
4:15 John Hoopes—Discussant
4:30 Charles Kolb—Discussant

Archaeometry at SAA - Thursday, 4/23

There will be lots of archaeometry at the upcoming Society of American Archaeology meeting. I'll extract some sessions from the program which (in my opinion) are largely archaeometric in nature. But please browse the program yourself for those many archaeometric presentations that are appropriately integrated into other sessions.

So here are some sessions for Thursday, 23 April, just one day of the four-day meeting. More to come.

[4] GENERAL SESSION BIOARCHAEOLOGY
Room: M304
Time: 8:15 AM−9:15 AM
Chair: Jennifer Marla Toyne
Participants:
8:15 Danielle Kurin and Enmanuel Gomez—"Aguerridos Chanka": A Bioarchaeological Study of Group Violence in Peruvian Prehistory
8:30 Peter Kakos—The Fertility Zone: Body Fat, Hormonal Responses, and the Effects on Population Growth
8:45 Benjamin Fuller, Colin Smith, Kyungcheol Choy and Michael Richards— Development of an LC-IRMS technique to measure carbon stable isotopes in
amino acids from archaeological bone collagen
9:00 Jennifer Marla Toyne—The violence that ended it all: Bioarchaeological analysis of interpersonal trauma at the site of Kuelap, Chachapoyas, Peru

[26] GENERAL SESSION ADVANCES IN METHODS
Room: Marquis Ballroom Salon A
Time: 11:00 AM–11:45 AM
Chair: Amanda Evans
Participants:
11:00 James Allison—The Use of Confidence Intervals for Calibrated Radiocarbon Dates
11:15 Amanda Evans, Graziela da Silva, Patrick Hesp, Jennifer Gardner and Barry Keim—Oceanographic and Geomorphological Impacts to Potential Submerged
Prehistoric Sites
11:30 Michael Faught—Comparison of Averaged Ages of Early Sites in the Western Hemisphere

[28] SYMPOSIUM FORENSIC ARCHAEOLOGY: A MULTI-DISCIPLINARY APPROACH
Room: M106/107
Time: 1:00 PM–3:00 PM
Organizer and Chair: Kimberlee Moran
Participants:
1:00 Vaughn Bryant—Pollen: A valuable technique for forensic archaeology
1:15 Nicole wall, Karl J. Reinhard and Matthias I. Okoye—Determining Location of Homicide through Palynology
1:30 Nick Loizou—Entomology and archaeology – The effects of carbon dioxide on larval development
1:45 Susan White—Chemistry and Forensic Archaeology –A Marriage Made In Heaven
2:00 Karl Reinhard, Michael Welner, Matthias I. Okoye and Melissa Marotta— Applying Anthropological Data to the Welner Depravity Standard of Depravity
2:15 Melissa Connor—Professionalism in forensic archaeology: Transitioning from ‘cowboy of science’ to ‘officer of the court’
2:30 Richard Gould—Handling the Handoff: Seamless Transitioning from Field to Laboratory in Forensic Investigations
2:45 Mike Hochrein—Convincing LEO: Successful Interaction between the Archaeologist and Law Enforcement Officials in Crime Scene Investigations

[41] GENERAL SESSION HUNTER-GATHERERS AND SUBSISTENCE
Room: M104/105
Time: 1:00 PM–3:30 PM
Chairs: Edward Knell and Meredith Wismer
Participants:
1:00 Christopher Noll and William Andrefsky, Jr.—Late Holocene Occupation Of The Birch Creek Site (35ML181), Southeastern Oregon
1:15 A. Dudley Gardner, William Gardner, Gabrielle Elliott and Laura Pasacret–High
Elevation Cultivation at Middle Latitudes in Northwest Colorado from ca. 500 - 1500 BP
1:30 Robert Nash—The Role of Maize in Low-Level Food Production Economies of Northeastern Utah
1:45 Frederick Lange—Archaeological and Geomorphological Research at the McSweeny Farms Project
2:00 Seetha Reddy—Seeds of Change: Intensive Plant Exploitation in Protohistoric coastal Southern California
2:15 Edward Knell and Matthew E. Hill—Cody Bones and Stone: Regional Variation in Cody Complex Foraging Behavior
2:30 Meredith Wismer—A New Analysis of Bison Subsistence at Cherokee Sewer, Iowa
2:45 Susan Lukowski and Colin Grier—Zooarchaeological Investigations of Household Economics at the Dionisio Point Site, southwestern British Columbia, Canada
3:00 Justin Lev-Tov and Sarah Wollwage—Mission Period Impacts on Hunting and Fishing along Santa Monica Bay, Southern California
3:15 John Robbins—Stable isotopes and marine temperatures from CA-SRI-147 (ca. 7300 to 350 CYBP)

[49] GENERAL SESSION LITHIC TECHNOLOGY AND RAW MATERIAL SELECTION
Room: M303
Time: 2:15 PM–4:45 PM
Chair: Jeffrey Rasic
Participants:
2:15 Magen Coleman, Jeffrey Ferguson, Michael D. Glascock, J. David Robertson and Stanley Ambrose—Further Studies into the Geochemistry of Obsidian from Kenya
2:30 David Purcell—Ground Stone Manufacturing at the Great Basin/Southwest Interface
2:45 Jim Railey—The Bow and Arrow and Changes in Debitage Assemblages
3:00 Julie Esdale—Archaic Raw Material Procurement and Tool Production Strategies in the North
3:15 Karen Caffrey, Michael R. Bever, Matthew T. Boulanger and Michael D. Glascock—Chemical Variation in Edwards Chert from the Callahan Divide, Texas
3:30 Adam Nazaroff and Lee Drake—Examining the Validity of PXRF for Obsidian
Sourcing in the Maya Lowlands
3:45 Andrew Riddle and Alexandra Sumner—Making Tool-Making Tools: A Comparative Technological Analysis of Burin and Burin-Like Tool Production in the Eastern North American Arctic
4:00 Jeffrey Rasic—A Functional Classification for Stone Tool Caches
4:15 Jim Cassidy—On the Enigmatic Stone-Tool Reamers from the Early Holocene Component at Eel Point, San Clemente Island, California
4:30 Javier Iñañez, Jaume Buxeda i Garrigós, Vassilis Kilikoglou, Amelia Rodríguez
Rodríguez and Robert J. Speakman—Obsidian From Canary Islands (Spain): A
Multidisciplinary Investigation

[58] SYMPOSIUM INNOVATIVE ANALYTICAL TECHNIQUES IN COASTAL GUATEMALAN
ARCHAEOLOGY
Room: Imperial Ballroom Salon A
Time: 6:00 PM–8:00 PM
Organizer: James Daniels
Chair: Hector Neff
Participants:
6:00 Kristin Safi, Hector Neff, Carl Lipo and Oswaldo Chinchilla—Measuring spatial organization at El Baul, Cotzumalguapa, Guatemala
6:15 Tony Quach, John G. Jones and Hector Neff—Paleoenvironmental Investigations of the Tecojate Region of Coastal Guatemala and Implications for
the Classic Maya Collapse
6:30 Adrian Abella and Dr. Hector Neff—Innovative Analytical Techniques in Coastal Guatemalan Archaeology
6:45 James Daniels—Using Distributional Archaeology and GIS to Determine Functionality of Subsurface Structures Detected with Geophysics at El Baul
7:00 Brigitte Kovacevich, Rafael Castillo, Molly Morgan and Hector Neff—The Use of Laser Ablation Inductively Coupled Mass Spectrometry (LA-ICP-MS) on Obsidian Microdebitage: Case Studies from Chiquiuitan and El Baúl
7:15 Maureen Lynch—The Effects of Moisture on Ground Penetrating Radar in La Blanca, Guatemala
7:30 Victor Castillo, Hector Neff, Ronald Bishop and M. James Blackman—Mold made figurines from the South Coast of Guatemala: sources of raw material and proveniences
7:45 Barbara Arroyo—Discussant

[70] GENERAL SESSION PALEOLITHIC SUBSISTENCE, ECOLOGY, AND SYMBOLIC BEHAVIOR
Room: M304
Time: 8:30 PM–9:45 PM
Chair: Clare Tolmie
Participants:
8:30 James Enloe, Francine David, Vladimir D’Iatchenko, Michel Girard and Maurice Hardy—Middle Paleolithic Spatial Analysis in Caves: Discerning humans from hyenas at Arcy-sur-Cure, France
8:45 Nikolaas van der Merwe—The Rain on the Serengeti Plain: Climatic change in
Tanzania during past 1.5 million years
9:00 Erik Otarola-Castillo, Benjamin Schoville and Janni Pedersen—Are Pleistocene Engravings The Result Of Symbolic Behavior Or A Random Process?
9:15 Jonathan Thomas and Grant McCall—Experimental Replication and Scanning Electron Microscopy of a Possibly Worked Middle Stone Age Hematite Bead from the Central Namib Gravel Plains, Western Namibia
9:30 Clare Tolmie—Faunal remains from Abri Cellier, France

Exclusive Never Before Seen Photos Of My...

Here are excuses #536, #537 and #538 why I don’t feel like blogging...

• My workday is too long, it sucks up my time and depletes my writing creativity.
• The weather is too nice, I can’t sit still long enough to blog. I need to run and play.
• I’m getting busy in a Burger King bathroom.

Ok, that last one isn't true. But comeon now, you know you have the old skool lyrics of Digital Underground - "Humpty Dance" memorized too.

In the meantime, since I’m not in the mood to write/blog, I’m going to take the easy route and just upload some photos. So enjoy these exclusive never before seen photos of my boy. The breeder took these of the entire litter at 5-weeks of age and weighing in at just 5lbs a pup! Until that day, they had never seen the world outside their puppy crib. This was Diesel’s first time he ever felt sunshine on his should and it made him happy. (Sing that in a cheesy John Denver voice to experience the full swoony experience of this post.)

I’m sorry, but I will argue with anyone who doesn’t agree that there is nothing cuter on this planet than a litter full of English Bulldog puppies. It’s cute overload, pure and simple.

UK Archaeological Sciences 2009 Biennial Conference

UKAS 20009

UK Archaeological Sciences 2009
Biennial Conference
8 – 10 September, 2009
The British Geological Survey, Keyworth, Nottingham
Hosted by NERC Isotope Geosciences Laboratory and the Department of Archaeology, University of Nottingham.




A workshop entitled "Analysing the Bronze Age" will be held, after the UKAS conference, on Friday 11th September. (I'm not sure if the statue of Robin Hood at left from Nottingham is bronze or not.)

Programme
We are looking for talks and poster presentations on the following themes:

• Materials and technologies
• Mobility and migration
• Geo-Archaeology
• Forensic Archaeology
• Human Environment Interaction
• Dating
• Plants, Animals and Domestication
• Genetics
• Issues surrounding destructive analysis
• Laser ablation isotope analysis in archaeology

We welcome additional theme topics, please submit relevant suggestions to Dr Jane Evans.

You Can’t Romanticize A Stripper

There are many things in life that can be romanticized. The way you tell a story, the way you capture a moment in time with photograph, or the way you create life with just a bit of paint and a simple brush. Some would argue that you could even romanticize a tragic suicide. But one thing you can’t romanticize with words - a stripper. But yet somehow, Jason Mraz tried doing just that. While Jason Mraz has a couple really good hit songs, this is not one of them. In fact, I feel this is perhaps the worst song he's ever written! Before I heard it, there was a point where I felt he may be a lyrical genius like John Mayer. Sadly though, he's no baby John Mayer. I think you'll agree as I'll let these lyrics speak for themselves.

Jason Mraz - "Butterfly"
Taking a moment just imagining that I'm dancing with you
I'm your pole and all you're wearing is your shoes
You've got soul, you know what to do to turn me on until I write a song about you
And you have your own engaging style, you've got the knack to vivify
And you make my slacks a little tight, you may unfasten them if you like
That's if you crash and spend the night

Chorus:
But you don't bode, you don't pay, you got everything you need
Except for me, sister you've got it all
You make the call to make my day
In your message say my name
Your talk is all the talk, sister you've got it all

Curl your upper lip up and let me look around
Ride your tongue along your bottom lip and bite down
And bend your back and ask your hips if I can touch
Well they're the perfect jumping up point
Getting closer to your butterfly

You float on by
Oh kiss me with your eyelashes tonight
Or Eskimo your nose real close to mine
And let's mood the lights and finally make it right

Repeat Chorus

Mmm mmm And all I really need to see
You pull your knee socks up
Let me feel you upside down, slide in, slide out
Slide over here, climb into my mouth now

Butterfly
Well you landed on my mind
Actually landed on my ear but you crawled inside
And now I see you perfectly behind closed eyes
I wanna fly with you
But I don't want to lie to you

But I can't recall a better day
Sun coming to shine on the occasion
You're sophisticated, lady, you've got it all
You've got it all to make my day
In your message say my name
Your talk is all the talk, sister you've got it all

You know that fortune favors the brave
But let me get paid while I make you breakfast
The rest is up to you, who makes the call
I never forget a face, 'cept maybe my own
I have my days, let's face the fact here
It's you who's got it all

I can't recall a better day
Sun coming to shine on the occasion
You're an open-minded lady, you've got it all

You've got it all, you've got it all, you've got it all (3x)

Butterfly, baby, you've got it all

Like a lunch buffet at a strip club, this song too is deeply disturbing. Titties and tatter tots don't mix, and neither do strippers and romance. Not to mention this song has entirely too many fucking lyrics to it! There are also some major flaws in the lyrics...or rather "ick factors" as I prefer to call them. Butterfly kisses and Eskimo noses - vomit! And what self-respecting man uses the word "slacks" to describe his pants? Don't even get me started on his line about wanting her to slide over here and climb into his mouth. Jesus dude! I can't think of anything more nauseating than letting my lips come within an inch of some skanky stripper. I would rather gargle with a handful of dirt and motor oil than put my mouth anywhere on a glittery stripper whose been crawling all over the filthy floor and grinding on a greasy pole. Speaking of glitter, what's up with that? Why does my crotch have to look like I rubbed a tacky Christmas card on it after a stripper doused in body glitter gives me a lap dance? It's not sexy. It's annoying. Well just to be clear, the lap dance isn't annoying, just the glittery aftermath is.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not anti-stripper. I mean, who doesn't enjoy a T&A show? It's just that romanticizing a stripper just seems so horribly wrong to me. While the idea of a strip show is supposed to be sexy, romanticizing a stripper is not. Unless of course that stripper is your girlfriend, then it's waaay sexy! If I have to explain why that is, you just wouldn't understand. The same way I don't understand how anyone ever thought that clear stripper shoes would be sexy.

In short, T-Pain's "I'm In Love With A Stripper" was a much better song! In fact, it was kind of a catchy-ass tune. He kept it real. Sorry Jason, but there's nothing romantic about a girl who grinds for a dollar. And if you disagree, then perhaps you need to step away from the titty bar for awhile. Go check out the sunlight. Or better yet, watch a sunrise or sunset - that's romantic.

Love You Man, In A Totally Straight Way

Not only did I defend my championship belt like Rocky Balboa, but I moved up a rank (from 9th to 8th place) in the latest "Top 10 Gen Y Blogs" list from RyanStephensMarketing.com But this isn't a post for me to gloat, although I'm highly tempted to. No, this is a post to say thank you. Thanks to those that voted for me and a big thanks to Ryan for the warm, fuzzy words he said about me. If you were a girl, I would be swooning right now. But since you are not, I won't. Although is it wrong for me to say "love you man" in a totally straight way?

From April 2009 "Top 10 Gen Y Blogs"
8.) The Rest is Still Unwritten (9) - Tech News and Random Ramblings from a 20-something year old bachelor.

David debuted on the February edition of this list in the 9th spot and moves up a spot this month. The thing about David’s blog is it always feels so fresh to me. Fresh content, fresh ideas, fresh insights. He really mixes it up with short posts that just make me laugh and longer more insightful posts. He has a very distinct voice, and he doesn’t let himself get boxed into one niche, writing about all things that interest him (and his readers as evidenced by the fact that he’s got on of the most commented blogs on this list.)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From February 2009 "Top 10 Gen Y Blogs"
9.) The Rest is Still Unwritten - Tech News and Random Ramblings from a 20-something year old bachelor.

And yet that description doesn’t even begin to encapsulate what David’s blog is about, which for me, his words (always completely transparent) embody his raw journey through life. I’ve recently become acquainted with David’s work as we have seemed to travel in different circles, and I’m glad I have. He discusses stuff other people are scared to put on paper, and makes ambiguity enthralling. This post is one of my favorites that resonates in so many ways.


Oh Ryan, you make a boy's heart melt. I'm kidding. Seriously though, keep up the good work over there. And congrats to everyone who made the "Top 10 Gen Y Blogs" list!

SAS-sponsored symposium at the SAA - II

Society for American Archaeology meeting, Atlanta, April 22-26

Session 168 - Saturday, April 26
PROVENANCE STUDIES IN ARCHAEOLOGY
Sponsors: Society for Archaeological Sciences; International Association for Obsidian Studies

Provenance of Mediterranean obsidians from Tykot (JAS, 1997)

Room: International A
Time: 1:00 PM–4:30 PM
Organizers : Mostafa Fayek and Sharon Hull

)

Participants:
1:00 Carolyn Dillian, David Braun and Emmanuel Ndiema—Obsidian Characterization and Theories of Interaction, Koobi Fora, Kenya

1:15 Anne Hamilton, Mostafa Fayek and S. Brooke Milne—Palaeo-Eskimo Lithic Exploitation Strategies: Assessing Inferences of Culture Change Through Chert Sourcing on Southern Baffin Island

1:30 Rachel ten Bruggencate and Mostafa Fayek—Sourcing quartz quarries from Granville Lake, Manitoba, Canada using trace elements and oxygen isotopes

1:45 Alyson Thibodeau, Joaquin Ruiz and John Chesley—Tracing Turquoise from Site to Source Using Radiogenic Isotopes

2:00 Judith Habicht-Mauche—Studying Glaze-Paint Production and Exchange in the American Southwest Using Lead Isotope Analysis

2:15 Mostafa Fayek and Sharon Hull—Fingerprinting Turquoise Provenance Regions in the American Southwest and Northern Mexico

2:30 Matthew Boulanger and Michael Glascock—Salvage Archaeometry: Rescue, Preservation, and Dissemination of Geochemical Data

2:45 Tom Fenn, Peter Robertshaw, Marilee Wood and John Chesley—Early Islamic Commerce with sub-Saharan Africa: Chemical and Isotopic Analyses of Late 1st Millennium A.D. Glass Beads from Igbo-Ukwu, Nigeria

3:00 Lisa Molofsky and David Killick—Sources of Tin in Prehistoric Bronzes: A Novel Approach

3:15 Jeffrey Dobereiner, William Saturno and Robert H. Tykot—Source Analysis of Obsidian from San Bartolo and Xultun, Guatemala by X-ray Fluorescence

3:30 Daniel Contreras and Nicholas Tripcevich—Research at the Quispisisa obsidian source in the central Peruvian highlands

3:45 Steven Shackley—Discussant
4:00 Hector Neff—Discussant
4:15 Robert Tykot—Discussant

I Should Be Stripped Of My Class Clown Crown

I feel so lame. I couldn’t think of any good pranks to pull today. I officially suck. It’s not like me to be so uncreative and unoriginal. I was voted Class Clown in high school. So I should be the master prankster! Sadly though, it’s April 1st, Fool’s Day...and I can’t think of a single good joke to play on anyone! Well, other than my Mom, but she doesn’t count because she falls for anything and everything. She’s the most gullible person I know. Every year since I was about 8-years-old, I’ve been pulling the exact same practical joke (the oldest trick in the book) on her for April Fool’s Day. And every single year she falls for it, again! It’s become almost a tradition for me to tie a rubber band around her kitchen sink sprayer handle. This never fails to soak her from head to toe and in the process gives me a childish chuckle.

You would think I would have more important things to do with my workday than to sit in my office for an entire hour trying to brainstorm up the perfect prank. A prank to top all other pranks history has ever bear witness to. A prank that is so good that it even makes other pranksters look foolish in comparison. A prank for the century. So what ideas did I come up with during that hour long brainstorm session? Well here is my list of crap...

I’m gay.
I thought about pretending I was gay or maybe even just bi-sexual and "come out of the closet" on my blog and/or to my family and friends. But anyone who knows me well enough wouldn’t buy it for a second.

I’m giving away my dog.
I thought about announcing that I need to find Diesel a home because my busy work schedule and all the traveling I do isn’t fair to him. That would be more believable than saying I’m gay, especially following the topic of my last blog post. But even just considering to make up that lie made my stomach nauseas. The thought alone is just too emotionally stressing to me, despite the fact that it wouldn’t even be true! Still, I can’t bear to even kid about such a serious thing. I mean this is Diesel we are talking about! He’s just not "some dog" to me. And I would never ever give him up for anything or anyone.

I’m closing my blog.
I thought about saying I was closing my blog and then list a bunch of bullshit reasons why. The problem with that is that if people believed it, they would never return to my blog to read that it was just an April Fool’s Day joke. So that seems sort of stupid on my part, to castoff readers on purpose. Plus, I think I may have already pulled that lame joke in the past.

I’m pregnant.
Obviously, there’s a gaping hole in this lie that would need to be filled to make it even slightly believable, like growing ovaries overnight. So I scratched the "I’m pregnant" idea and considered running with the "I got someone pregnant" idea. However, that brought up some bad memories from a scare I had in my freshman year in college when my girlfriend was 2 weeks late. Also, a couple years ago I was dating this girl who thought it would be funny to tell me she was pregnant as an April Fool’s Day joke. Ok, maybe I can see the sick humor in that, but that joke turned into a major fight when I believed her for a second and stupidly asked if it was mine. I know, I know. Dumb! But it’s not that I was accusing her of sleeping around. Honestly, the thought never even crossed my mind. But I suppose I just blurted out "is it mine" because I was too shocked to believe it could be and didn’t know what else to say. Long story short, she flipped out on me and thought I was insinuating that she was a slut.

We broke up shortly after. I’m not sure if the joke was on me or on her. Regardless, I suggest nobody pull the pregnant card for shits and giggles.